“There is no reality in which you are dangling in hell, suspended as an irredeemable mess, with wishes of yours wiped clear, and that steel will of yours stolen without you loosening your grip to fear.”

To the dearest you,

I hope with this letter I bring to you the remembrance that choices were an inherent part of your life. They were never supposed to be given by someone else, at their terms and conditions. You already had them clutched in your tiny hand as you were born in this bright yet gloomy world. Difficult? They might have been. Missing? They were not. But what do you do with the choices when the world points its bold finger in one direction and your soul points it in another? How do you choose when it feels that the choice has been ripped away from your fingers?

You sit still and let the anger burn into you until your reality becomes crystal clear as it forms before your eyes. Let it tell you the truth that even giving away a choice is a choice. With violence, the thieves in your life will try to take away the gift granted to each you, but it remains within your power to steal it back, to fight by making your nails as claws. You might get hurt in the process, and you might hurt them in the process, but to fight the devil, sometimes we must befriend it for a moment.

But what do you do when you see the garden of choices, much to your delight, and get lost in confusion at the choices being presented to you, when none of it is too easy to choose? When your heart seems to be tied to two strings stretching in two different directions, and all that’s left with you is fear of cutting your wins in half as losses come to take part, while your mind becomes too brittle from all the burdens it has carried and the mess too big to get out of it by mere thinking? An idea will cross your mind: “Should I ask others? Perhaps they will know what to do in this situation.“

Careful of the dips that arrive in that route. Careful. If not, you might give in to the idea that someone knows you better than you know yourself, that someone might know the significance of the crossroads that you stand still at, the gravity with which you are looking at the scenarios forming in front of you, and tell you what’s the choice that will be a boon for you. 

When that time comes, I want this letter to be a reminder for you that in front of the crowd that listens to your worries, you must only demand empowerment and not approval. You must learn to envelope the power of choice and not give it away. It will be surprisingly annoying and grating on your nerves to not hear them tell you the supposed rightness and wrongness of the decision you are about to make. It may make you seethe for not hearing the expected drum beats and see them dance to the foretold tune. May you find yourself lost without them telling you why one choice feels better than the rest, for lost is what marks the discovery of truth. 

Now imagine with me, the two of your closest people stand alongside you, viewing the roads that you are about to walk. One hates the dark, assuming they’ll trip and fall into the muddy earth, while another hates the dense forest despite the daylight and the cuts that come along with that which will fester but can’t be avoided, and now you ask, “Which of the two paths look enticing to you?” They will weigh in the bias and tell you two opposing answers to the same questions, both seemingly reasonable, but reasonable is every reality that the human experiences because it is their reality; it must make sense for it to exist. Is one’s reason better than the others, and if it is, perhaps you will choose it and rejoice in the choice you’ve made. But is reason enough to make a decision?

If it is reasonable enough, is it good enough for you? My love, with reason, you may find yourself twisting the roads and facing the same crossroad once again, not understanding why must you stay confused and lost when you choose it for all the reasons that make sense. You may forget with time, as you seek others to your counsel, that the most important person of the council was missing from the entire meeting—you. A clarification that wasn’t asked was, “It makes sense. But does it make sense for me?“

A stranger to your life can also choose from a pros and cons list, but it is not your pros and cons list, and there is no one else who can see the inherent value you’d lose if what they use to decide your fate is an advantage that couldn’t in your reality counter the consequence of losing something else on that very list but on the abandoned side of the line. Use all the lists, reasons, and histories made out of those choices, but do it by yourself. Gather the old, the rotten, the new, and the novel descriptions, mistakes, and opinions, and choose which ones now belong to you.

Know that, when your heart isn’t agreeing to the decision and you find yourself lost in the whirlpool of choices, choose to solve the riddle by sitting with what’s inside you and then move forward with a trembling certainty. Sure, the mind will interrupt, “Are you sure?” and you will smile and answer it, “No. Perhaps? Maybe. But we will find out.” 

So, I hope you take the counsel, but don’t forget the one who appointed it and whose opinion matters the most, and seek the thoughts of those who can look through the lens you have chosen for yourself, or the ones who are forthright in telling you that their biases impede the fairness of the process, and all they can do is pick the puzzles of your mind and put them together with your guidance so that they are put in the right place, but the only task they have is to be the helping hand. When your audience only nods at your reasons for each of the choices you present to them, you need to ask them to point out what you are missing, to be the clarity that has been taken away, an ear that not just hears but truly listens, and a guide who not just walks with you but also guides when one in tiredness starts crossing onto the path not destined for them. 

Hear me well, you need the ones who become the mirror to your emotions, those who validate how you feel and tell you they know the why behind it, but then they show you the mirror of truth that can help you look through the haze of confusion and not one that helps you drown in it. Validation for choices is to be sought within, or else, unfortunately, the choice hasn’t truly been made. The shoe hasn’t yet been found. The rain hasn’t yet stopped, and the storm isn’t yet over. The night is young still, to sit with the guest you uninvited long ago because your room was too full, one that came with the information that was unheard.

But fear not, for a lion born in a herd of sheep doesn’t recognize its fierceness until it sees another like it roar. So, look within, find your truth, and forget the powerlessness taught by the world which too rotates on a rented stick and believes its own lies to be the gifted truth. Find it in you. Find it as you cry and lose control. For when the clouds run out of tears to cry and anger to burst, the storm indeed clears.

From my heart, to yours.